Attracting What You Want:
The Be-Do-Have Paradigm
by Sandi Anders, M.Div., R.Y.T.
Does the following statement sound familiar to you?
"If only I could HAVE a certain thing (enough money, free time,
resources, new car,etc.), I would DO a certain thing (travel, do
more fun activities, buy the things I want, etc.) and then I
would BE a certain way (peaceful, calm, happy, etc.)."
This line of reasoning is sometimes referred to as the HAVE-DO-BE
paradigm.
When we approach our lives in this way, we only postpone the
outcomes that we most want, and keep ourselves from the happiness
that is rightfully ours. By directing our efforts toward the DO
and the HAVE side of life, the state of BE-ING (joy, creativity,
freedom) that we seek is always conditional upon what we DO or
HAVE.
I believe that reversing this way of thinking better serves us --
and propels us toward having more of what it is we most want. Why
not choose to BE what we ultimately seek (peaceful, joyous, free)
and allow the things we want to DO and HAVE to flow from that BE-
ING? If we want success or companionship we are far more likely
to manifest those realities if we are peaceful or joyous or free.
This is the BE-DO-HAVE paradigm -- and it has powerful
consequences. Here is how it works.
There are laws which govern the Universe, such as the Law of
Gravity. The Law of Gravity is always consistent: if we fall
from a high cliff, we will find ourselves rapidly moving toward
the bottom of that cliff.
As the Law of Gravity governs the behavior of falling bodies, the
Law of Attraction is a spiritual principle that governs how we
bring into existence what we seek in life. The Law of Attraction
states that we magnetize or draw towards ourselves whatever we
give our focus and attention to.
This is different from living in a state of yearning, or chronic
wanting. ("I wish I could..") Rather it is about choosing the
experience one wants ("I am grateful...") and allowing the
details to work themselves out. Wanting only begets more
wanting.
Neale Donald Walsh puts it this way:
Most people believe that if they 'have' a thing (more
time, money, love - whatever) then they can finally 'do'
a thing (write a book, take up a hobby, go on vacation,
buy a home, undertake a relationship), which will enable
them to 'be' a thing (happy, peaceful, content, or in
love). In actuality, they are reversing the Be-Do-Have
paradigm. In the Universe as it really is (as opposed to
how you think it is), 'havingness' does not produce
'beingness' but the other way around. First you 'be' the
thing called 'happy' (or 'knowing', or 'wise', or
'compassionate', or whatever) then you start 'doing'
things from this place of beingness - and soon you
discover that what you are doing winds up bringing you
the things you've always wanted to 'have.'
Conversations with God, Book 3 |
Here are some suggestions for putting the BE-DO-HAVE paradigm
into practice in your life:
1. Clarify what you want.
Get clear about what you really want to HAVE or DO in
your life. Visualize in detail the satisfying career,
the shiny new car, the vacation home, the perfect
companion, the ability to do what you want whenever you
want. Don't hold back -- really allow yourself to
acknowledge that which you most desire.
2. Imagine having/doing it.
Focus your thoughts on what your life will be like once
you have or do what you most want. Use all of your
senses to imagine this state of BE-ING. How will you
feel, what will you see, hear, taste or touch after you
have that which you really want? Take time to fully
imagine enjoying your heart's desire, visualizing the
experience, breathing life into the images you see.
It is often helpful to write these images down.
Here are some suggestions to get your writing started:
"In my perfect alternate universe I (am/have/do) . . ."
"When I have it my way . . . "
3. Allow yourself to go ahead and have the feeling - now.
Holding on to the feeling inside that comes as you
imagine your perfected life, look for opportunities to
feel that feeling -- now!
Elyse Hope Killoran suggests that one keep a "To BE" list
for the day. Many of us are used to starting out our day
with a "To Do" List. How might your day be different if
you started out each day with an intention about who you
want to BE that day?
For example:
I am PEACE. I am JOY. I am LOVE. I am COMPASSION.
For each intention, think of ways to actualize what you
have imagined. List things to DO today to BE more of
what you intend.
For example:
Today I am CENTERED: I meditate, I breathe consciously,
I smile at myself and at others. |
Living the BE - DO - HAVE paradigm takes practice. It may seem
backwards at first, for we are programmed to believe that our
primary source of happiness, joy or contentment lies outside us.
But give it a try! Try BEING today whatever it is that you most
value -- and see what happens!
(c) 2005 Permission is granted to reprint this article, "The 'Be - Do - Have' Paradigm:
Attracting What You Want," in print or on your website as long as the paragraph below is included:
Sandi Anders, M.Div., R.Y.T., http://www.SandiAnders.com, is a contributor to The Guide to Self-Help Books, http://www.Books4SelfHelp.com, and co-author of Self-Help Central, an ezine to help you build a better life with self-help resources. She teaches stress mastery skills through psycho-spiritual life coaching, and yoga and meditation instruction.
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